I am really happy right now

I realized today that I love life at the moment. I am content with everything in my life right now. I am excited for school in the fall and my job isn’t annoying me at the moment.I have made some great new friends and I am falling in love more and more with my old ones. I have some new projects that I am working on. For the first time since I cannot remember when I don’t have any feelings - not even a simple crush -on a guy. I have been eating well and working out 4-5 times a week so I feel energized. I also have so many fun things planned for this summer that I can’t hardly wait for this funky rainy weather to pass. And as that added little cherry on top I finally cleaned and sorted my room. 

xxx

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recap chat rant

Last weekend I went out for lunch with my friend because he was upset about him and his boyfriend breaking up and afterwards we went for a walk down by the lake and ended up sitting on a bench in the cold for 3 hours talking. We don’t see each other a crazy amount but he knows a lot about me and since I have known him he has been able to read me better than most and knows what I am thinking and feeling when I don’t even know it or cannot put them into words.

Anyways, mid way through talking about his frustrations with guys he turned the tables on me and decided it was the perfect time to corner me. Aside from the odd 1-2 month flings I have not been in a real relationship in 2 years and to be honest I don’t know if I consider any of my past relationships “real” ones. I have been in 2 long distance relationships and to me because you only see a person a few times a month you never really move on from the honeymoon stage which does not lend to a real relationship.

I am a pretty closed box when it comes to anything love and relationship related. I do not like to show my cards to anyone and most of the time I would rather sit and stew by myself or play ignorant to my own feelings. I ignore them in hopes that they will go away half of the time because it is easier to be alone then deal with disappointment (yes, I am aware this is not true). My problem is that whenever I have given in to any feelings I may have for a guy it has always ended up with me going “Welp, that was lovely”. You see I am a constant rebound girl. I have literally dated 2 guys who had just broken up with their girlfriends and have had flings with 3 guys who had similar circumstances. I feel like I am always just that girl that guys run to when they just come out of a relationship or need a distraction or are confused about their feelings for someone else. I am just an in between girl and it has become way to frustrating to even put into words. 

It is horrible because now I find that guys in general, whether it is a guy I am dating, seeing or just friends with - they disappoint me, and what I want in a guy seems to be something that I cannot find for the life of me.

I think that guys think I am a little out there and crazy and fun and they never care to dig deeper - it stays shallow - and because of that I lend well to these kinds of situations. Needless to say this is why I am the way I am and I push away my feelings. 

It is weird though because all of this didn’t really hit me until I sat and talked it out with my friend last week.

So dear boys, please stop screwing me over :(

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Yesterday I voted for the first time at 21 years old.

So yesterday I went and voted for the 1st time at 21 years old

I am going to sound super ignorant saying this but I don’t really give a shit about Canadian politics. The last time I payed attention was in elementary school social studies when we had to learn about… fuck I only remember Jean Chretien. I am sure down the line I will know all about this stuff but just right now it is really the last thing I think about to be honest.

Anyways back to voting and how I don’t take anything seriously and am an ignorant asshat.

My dad forced me to go vote because he said it is the number one thing we do as Canadians (yes dad) and as we walked into the room where you show your id and get your ballot I looked around and flat out said super loud “So who is the Prime Minister anyways?” [for real I didn’t know] Then before he could answer me I declared, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyways, I’m voting for Obama because he made a Lion King reference this past weekend and killed Bin Laden.” I also had no idea who the people were on the ballot and only heard of 3 of the 5 parties listed.

Needless to say all the people around look depressed and saddened for the youth of today.

Night guys!

xxx 

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One to many Palm Bay coolers.

Ever have one of those moments where you are sitting there and you realize something that feels like it came out of no where and manages to hit you like a brick wall? That just happened to me. Life has surely become interesting over the past few months and I for one cannot wait to see how this summer unfolds.

xx

Ps. Gifs are so hard to make work on Tumblr, almost gave up in my drunken stuper.

(Source: theblondejournal.com, via theblondejournal)

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It is 3:14am

I have to be up at 7:30am and I still have to:

- Clean my bedroom and sort/organize my walk in closet.

- Wrap my moms presents as her birthday is tomorrow and obviously I left it until the very last minute.

- Make a card for her.

- Burn “The Social Network”

- Update my ipod.

- Take out garbage. 

- Take out contacts and wash face.

Oh and my bed looks like this:

So add making my bed to the list.

Notes

fantabulouscheese asked: I love your theme! I can't find it anywhere on your page so I gotta ask, where is it from? Thanks!

Uhhh, I actually forget the name. I put this theme on months ago and then abandoned this blog haha. I edited it a lot but the original can be found in Tumblr’s theme garden :)

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wandering-eyes asked: I think that you are such a lovely person and I love your blog too. I just though I'd tell you ♥

Thank you so very much sweetheart :)

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It is 4am, why am I awake?

For the past few weeks now I have been falling asleep between 4 and 5am, yet still waking up at a normal time. I don’t know exactly what insomnia entails but idk, I might just have it. I have been awake for hours now and am not at all tired. Usually by the time I go to bed I can hear the birds outside of my window. 

I hate it because my life is happy and great right now. I have a path, goals, direction and accomplishments, but the fact that I cannot sleep has to mean something is bothering me. I guess it is pretty bad that I am so detached from my emotions and feelings that I don’t know what is bothering me eh?

Well that is kind of a lie, I might know what is bothering me, but it is something that I really didn’t think would - for that matter didn’t know I cared that much. Some things hit you like a ton of brick before you really notice them coming I guess.

2 notes